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Belonging
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The engine that keeps spiritual abuse churning is the fear of losing belonging.
Adam Young
The Place We Find Ourselves
churchsafe.co
We are a collective of families and individuals who trusted our church with our children, our marriages, and our faith. That trust was broken, and we had to find our way back. We thought we were alone. It turns out we weren't. Now we're here to make sure you aren't alone either.
These are the voices of families who have experienced it firsthand. Names are withheld for their protection.
Our pastor told my husband that his depression was a spiritual problem, not a medical one. He refused to see a therapist for two more years because his pastor said medication showed a lack of faith.
When we left, the pastor told the congregation we had fallen away from the faith. We had not fallen away from anything. We had asked to see the church's financial statements and were told that was a sign of distrust.
He looked me in the eye and said if I left this church, I was walking away from God's protection. He said whatever happened to my family after that was on me. My kids were 6 and 9. I stayed three more years because of that conversation.
Five years out and my hands still shake in church. Not sometimes. Every time. My husband holds my hand so I stop noticing. My therapist says the body keeps the score. I believe her.
When I raised concerns about how my family was being treated, I was told I was being divisive. Within a month, we were completely isolated from our community.
Three families. Five years apart. Same leader. Same behavior. Each of us was told we were the only one and that talking about it would hurt the church. We found each other at a coffee shop two years after we all left.
Your identity will never be shared without your explicit consent.
The engine that keeps spiritual abuse churning is the fear of losing belonging.
Six things every family should understand before trusting a church with their children, their marriage, or their faith.
Who has access to your children and how were they vetted?
Know the difference between licensed therapy and pastoral counseling. Your sanity and safety is on the line.
When pastoral care turns to coercive control, it could cost you your children.
Is it care or is it gossip?
Who answers to who and why churches need accountability
Recognize the signs of coercion, control, and manipulation in a church setting
You drop your kids off and assume they are safe. Here is how to actually verify it.
There is a difference between spiritual guidance and institutional control over your family.
Your kids used to run to the door when you came home. Now they will not return your calls.
You shared something real. Then you discovered it did not stay in confidence.
If you have experienced or witnessed harmful behavior at your church, your story can help protect other families. Everything shared is confidential unless you choose otherwise.
This site provides questions and publicly available information for public consideration. It does not make factual allegations. If your church would like to respond to any of these questions, we welcome their transparency. Maintained by a group of concerned families.
