When a family is in crisis, many people turn first to their pastor. It feels natural. The pastor knows you, your spouse, maybe your kids. There is an existing relationship of trust.
But there is a critical difference between spiritual support and clinical intervention. When that line gets blurred, families can be harmed in ways that are difficult to undo. Here are four things every family should understand.
1. Know Who You Are Talking To
A licensed therapist operates under the oversight of a state licensing board. They have completed graduate-level clinical training, passed examinations, and are bound by a code of ethics that includes:
- Mandatory reporting obligations
- Confidentiality protections enforced by law
- Defined standards of care reviewed by peers
- A formal complaint process if they cause harm
A pastoral counselor, in most states, operates under none of these. No licensing board. No mandatory training. No external body reviewing complaints. Their accountability, if it exists at all, runs through the same church leadership that employed them.
This is not a criticism of pastoral care. It is a call to know the difference before your family's wellbeing is on the line.
2. Ask About Training and Limitations
Does your church have clear guidelines for counseling? Is there a written policy that defines where biblical counseling ends and licensed psychotherapy begins?
Chuck DeGroat, a licensed therapist and professor at Western Theological Seminary, has observed that the personality traits attracted to church leadership, including grandiosity and low empathy, are especially dangerous when combined with the power of a counseling relationship.1
Dr. Diane Langberg, with over fifty years of clinical experience, has pointed out that seminaries evaluate future pastors based on what they know rather than who they are. A student can graduate with honors in theology and be placed in a counseling role with no clinical training whatsoever.2
3. Understand What Happens to Your Information
When you share something with a licensed therapist, it is protected by law. When you share something with a pastor, it may be shared with:
- Other staff members
- Elders or board members
- Care team leaders
- Other congregation members framed as "prayer concerns"
In many churches, this is framed as collaborative care. But you were never asked whether you consented to a group of people discussing your private situation.
Before you share anything personal, ask one question: who else will know what I say in this room?
4. Know Your Recourse
If a licensed therapist causes harm, you can file a complaint with your state licensing board. An investigation can be conducted. A license can be revoked.
If a pastoral counselor causes harm, what recourse do you have? In most cases, the answer is none. The church may have an internal process, but that process is controlled by the same institution that employs the counselor.
Dr. Hillary McBride, a psychologist who studies spiritual trauma, has observed that when a counseling relationship within a church causes harm, the victim loses not just their counselor but potentially their entire community. The stakes of getting this wrong are enormous.3
There is an abhorrent lack of knowledge for the damage and devastation that sexual assault brings. Church is one of the least safe places to acknowledge abuse.
A Simple Test
If the person counseling your family cannot be reported to a licensing board, cannot be investigated by an independent body, and answers only to the same leadership structure that hired them, you are not receiving clinical care. You are receiving advice from someone with no professional obligation to prioritize your family's wellbeing over the institution's interests.
That does not mean their advice is necessarily bad. But it means there is no safety net if it is.
1 Chuck DeGroat, When Narcissism Comes to Church (IVP, 2020).
2 Diane Langberg, Redeeming Power (Brazos Press, 2020). See also interview on The Roys Report.
3 Hillary McBride, Holy Hurt (Broadleaf Books, 2025).